I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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