I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
