WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
