can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
