I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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