I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
