whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
