My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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