$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
