Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
