I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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