Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
