Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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