lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
