atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
