I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
