i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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