i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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