I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
