Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
