Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
