All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
