last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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