it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
