just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I need to stop coming to work sober
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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