dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
