Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
