I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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