they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
