Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
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