I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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