I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
