who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
