bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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