You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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