saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They took my balls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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