Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My hand turned me down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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