Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
