You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
