a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
