So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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