I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
