OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
