he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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