Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I skipped work to stalk him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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