he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
