I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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