The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
