fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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