Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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