the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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